Like losing track of time. A lot. Something I still wrestle with. Like many people, before I discovered I was autistic, I was diagnosed with and treated for ADHD. Even that came late for me, in college, a year or so before autism. To this day it still fits and one glaring example of it, in my opinion, is how I can lose track of time. Sometimes by days.

Now, when I was younger, growing up, I had these issues too. The difference is now they can get my fired or make someone lose confidence in my friendship. The stakes have really escalated since I was a kid, and it is something I work at ceaselessly, only to still manage to continually fail.

For example, I recently started therapy again and the schedule was different than what I had been used to. I can also sometimes be a little rigid with my routines, so it was hard to get this new time and schedule to stick. I missed several appointments at first. Each time, I had gotten lost in my head or some other task earlier in that day and just drifted past the allotted time. Most recently was a week ago, and it took me three days to remember I had forgotten to go to therapy. In this case that could mean incurring fees that I really can’t afford, or signalling to my therapist that I don’t think they’re worth my time. Neither of which I want.

It can be even worse when it comes to work. I find it so easy to lose track of time in the morning before I’ve really woken up, when my mind is still in a dreamy place and chasing after many thoughts. Add in the environment of a shower and it can be easy for me to lose 10 or 30 minutes while actively trying to stay on task. I can look at the clock while getting dressed, and then look again what I think is 5 minutes later, but it’s been 15 and I’ve just been lost on some thought, probably about “what was the conversation like when they first invented socks?”

Again, you can imagine, the stakes here are now much higher than when I was young. Jobs tend to want you to be on time, and “I lost track of time” isn’t usually gonna cut it in that situation. I can zone out while working the way others do while driving down a road they’ve been down many times before. My attention just kind of splits and if there is something I can do semi-automatically, I will, then totally drift off in my head. Until something snaps it all back together, I don’t even realize it’s happening yet.

Sometimes I lose track of total days. I’ve forgotten so many birthdays and other important days even though I knew they were coming, I knew what day they were, but for some reason I never registered it as being that date on that date. Like, my dad’s birthday is easy to remember but I still forget to call him on that date sometimes simply because it comes and goes without me realizing it happened. Until it dawns on me when someone tells me it’s the day after and I immemdiately text and call and apologize.

Or I’ll just get very confused about what day it is currently. This past weekend on a Saturday, I knew without a doubt that tomorrow was Sunday. However, instead of thinking today was Saturday, I kept thinking today was Monday. When discussing plans with my boyfriend, I spoke about the evening as if it was a Monday night. After that call the cognitive dissonance was tangible and I needed to know what day it was because I was confused. I looked at my watch and it said Sunday. So I guess tomorrow is Monday? I spoke to my roommate not long after that who pointed out it was now Sunday but was just Saturday. We had gone through midnight just before I checked my watch, adding another layer of confusion, but now I finally knew the day I had just lived through was Saturday despite all the other days I had just thought it might be.

So what do I do? I set a lot of alarms. Not even as many as I should, but I’m still finding the right balance because too many and I start to ignore the sounds. I try to put everything in my calendar, and while I’m not 100% on that I’m getting better. I’m learning that I have to rely on these things even more than the average person if I don’t want to be seen as rude or selfish or incapable.

I’m also super interested if anyone else has any other ways to stay on task and maintain focus throughout a day or when planning things more long term? I’ve tried music but that can hurt as much as help. Accepting all ideas.